Battle Chardonnay!

Five intrepid wine tasters brave the wilds of Trader Joe's discount isle, but not everything is as it seems. There is an intruder. Will our brave souls find the intruder before time runs out?

Stay tuned...

Blind tasting!

After the reveal: It turns out, the Charles Shaw was the favorite.

Chardonnay #7

Molly: too sweet and too sour at the same time!

Margaret: maybe there are no good chardonnays. I'm getting buttered popcorn. At the risk of repeating myself, I would say apple. Tastes like gruyere.

John: boring with a long aftertaste. This is too sharp.

Maya: Buttered popcorn? No...slim jim? What am I smelling? Really light. This one is kind of a cheese wine.

Chris: If it was colder, I'd drink it, and I wouldn't know better.

Reveal: The ringer! Alois Lagader (Italian) 11.99

Chardonnay #6

Will six be the trick?

John: Brie! Oh, uh, oh. Doesn't taste like brie though. Not a lot of taste. I'm not getting the meat everyone else it.

Margaret: Cheesy apple. More sour apple. Totally tastes like bacon! Maybe it's turkey bacon.

Maya: It's like when you leave the apple juice in your thermos and it gets all moldy. This is really light. I kinda like it too, it's okay.

Molly: no comment. not bad but...

Chris: its cheesy/meaty and I kinda like it.

Reveal: J.W. Morris - 2.99

Chardonnay #5

Five alive!

Chris: lighter color. Buttery. Kinda greasy. Makes me feel like I'm getting zits. Lemongrass and snails.

Molly: smells a little sour. Gross! I'm breaking out as we speak!

Margaret: soapy apple? Taste like chicken.

Maya: I'm getting high on the fumes. Tastes like lemongrass.

John: Blah. Dirty.

Reveal: Columbia Crest - 3.99

Chardonnay #4

Will this surpass the last?

John: I'm not smelling this one. Hint of water, followed by hint of fruit. Finished by hint of water. Cardboard.

Margaret: I can get a little wood out of that.

Chris: Woody. I give it a 30.

Molly: There's something that doesn't agree with me there.

Maya: This one might be lemon cool aid. Without the sugar. It abraded my throat.

Reveal: Barefoot - 4.49

Chardonnay #3

Fuku-san, what is happening on the wine tasting table?

John: woah. That's bold smellin' stuff. Woah, that's not very offensive either. Kinda pleasant actually. A bit of champagne again.

Margaret: This one is definitely apple-y. Jolly Rancher!

Chris: This one doesn't burn my throat. I haven't been totally offended by any of them yet. Soft mouth feel, velvety.

Maya: Sour-apple-y kinda. Sweeter, lighter, not as dry. Smooth.

Molly: Like this one - not as crisp as the first one.

CHARLES SHAW! - 1.99

Chardonnay #2

The battle rages on...

John: well, there's another fruity one. Surprise surprise. Dry rot.

Maya: I can't smell this one. More sour than the last one. Hint of something...kind of...putrid.

Margaret: It smells like my bathroom.

Molly: there's a creepy taste - at least it doesn't smell like a sweaty German. Corn chip smell!

Chris: not as sour as the last one. Maybe its more sour.

Reveal: Buena Vista - 4.99

Chardonnay #1

Maya-- It smells like mildew to me. But I think I may have a bit of a cold or allergies. It's very watery. Kinda like watered-down white grape juice.

John -- wow thats...unobtrusive, unoffensive, fruity, almost champagny.

Chris -- It won't go down my throat. I need a power scrubber to get it off the insides of my cheeks. Is that a good thing? I imagine I'll fine out at some point in the next 6 tastes.

Margaret -- It smells like apple soap. I like it. Good spring chard?

Reveal: Bear's Lair (CA) - 3.99

Huge Blind Merlot Tasting

Molly and John are over and we're about to start a huge blind tasting of Merlots. But not just Merlots.....these are all Merlots that we bought for less than $5...except for one $12 Merlot that we threw in to confuse ourselves. I accidentally discovered the identity of one of the wines while opening it, so we're using that one as the standard. We'll give it 50 points and compare all of the others to it. Each wine will get its own post that we'll all comment on. At the end of the comments, we'll reveal the identity of the wine and hopefully discover a couple sub $5 wines that aren't all that bad. So, here we go!

#1: The standard

The first bottle we opened had the name of the wine on the cork. After that, we invented a new method of blind wine opening.

Well, the one we accidentally found out the identity of turned out to be 2004 Trader Joe's French Market Merlot. At $2.99, this was one of the cheapest. It gets 50 points.

Chris: smells like rotten fruit and tastes like sour apples. ugh.

John: I can't top that. But let me say, 50 can't be the median, because more than half of all wines are better than this. Benefits from breathing. Probably should stop breathing.

Margaret: can it be used in cooking?

Molly: Oh my god! (making horrified face)

price: $2.99

Wine #2

John: 70, this is a mildly fruity wine with little aftertaste. I'd have it on my table with just about any dinner. Mildly spicy. Not Anna Nicole Smith spicy, more like "white guy spicy."

Chris: 68 (just to be a little different). strange smell, but not unpleasant like #1. not too bad here. I'd hit it. currant, fruity

Molly: I smell olives

Margaret: Currant smell

What it turned out to be: 2004 PKNT Merlot (Chile) $2.99

Wine #3

John (makes that horrified face): 30 It isn't bad really, just unpleasant. I can't imagine what I'd drink this with, except maybe somebody easy;.

Chris: smells like armpit. taste is dryer than the others. after taste won't go away. I need some cheese now.

Margaret: doesn't smell like a German on a hot day.

What is is: 2004 Trader Joes Chilean Collection Merlot $2.99

Wine #4

Chris: 80 smells like black cherries. taste is smooth and nicely balanced. This has got to be the good one.

John: 80 After the sweaty German, this is pretty good. I'm not sure I get the cherries as much on nose - maybe blackberry. Yeah, that's it. Blackberries without cream. If it's not good, we're buying more of it.

Molly: doesn't make me want to retch. I got berries at first and now I get cherry.

Margaret: This one's almost worth trying to taste right.

What it is: Purple Moon 2004 Merlot (huge surprise!!!) $3.49

Wine #5

John (screams): 30 At least it's distinctive. Rotting leaves. Somebody was wearing their socks when the tromped the grapes. You know. I'm thinking burning rubber.

Chris: yeah...rotten. 35 maybe. that's just nasty.

Molly: It's crap!

Margaret: It's like somebody's garbage! It's pee!

What it is: 2004 La Boca Merlot (Argentina) $2.99

Wine #6

Margaret: This is outdoorsy, but not decomposed. Smells like butter!

John: 65 I'm getting old leaves too, fall leaves. The taste is a little piny - similar to the pine taste in Anchor's 2005 holiday beer. Not bad.

Chris: 70. I like this one. Spicy like a Zin, I think. I can see the pine. Not as acidic as the really crappy ones.

Molly: Spicy.

What it is: 2001 Rodney Strong Sonoma County Merlot (the ringer!) $11.99

Wine #7

Chris: 60. wood glue smell. Very fruity. Not too bad...almost tastes carbonated.

John: 60. The wood glue nose is deceiving. This is a fruity, protestant-communion-like wine.

Margaret: smells like raisin or black currant. I think it's pretty good.

What it is: 2003 Penmara 5 Families (Australia) $4.99

Wine #8

Post your comments about #8 here (shit, I'm getting drunk...typing getting more difficult):

John: 65 Nose? What nose? Oh, there it is. After I put it in the centrifuge. A little bit spicy. A little bit fruity. A little bit country. A little bit rock and roll

Chris: 70. Not offensive. I could drink this on a monday or tuesday. balanced...but then it just hit me with something interesting that I can't put my finger on. like chocolate or somthing.

Molly: ugh. No.

Margaret: this one's pretty good. way better than the bad ones. a little better than the chianti at Macaroni Grill

What it is:2003 Kirralaa Merlot $4.99

1987 Royal Oporto

We got this half bottle of vintage port from Bevmo sometime in Dec. 2005 and paid $14.99 for it. I recently bought two bottles of 2003 vintage port (Quinta de Vesuvio) after listening to a Grape Radio show about port. We can't drink that for 20 years, so I figured we'd learn something about this stuff in the meantime.

After reading up on vintage port a little bit in wine for dummies, we ran back to Bevmo today to buy a decanter, only to discover that you're supposed to stand the bottle up for at least several hours before decanting. Well, after letting it stand for 5 minutes, we decided it was ready for decanting (it's a smaller bottle, after all).

The cork was much more tricky to remove than the newer wine we're used to, but we managed. Decanting went smoothly....lots of junk was left in the bottle, which we poured into a glass so we could analyze it. Now we're letting the wine sit in the decanter for a few hours...

In the meantime, we did some research into what sort of glasses to use with port and found the glasses we already own that most resemble the correct ones. Basically, the correct port glasses look (to me, anyway) pretty much like white wine glasses.

Color-wise, this stuff is very dark...brownish ruby.

Smells like prune/raisin and smoke and alcohol.

Taste is quite delightful with a long finish. Sweet, thick, and smooth. Tastes chocolatey with raisins. Like raisinettes. Margaret thinks it would go well with a sausage. I'm wondering if we have some blue cheese and walnuts and a cigar (if I were allowed to smoke cigars, which I am not). Yum. We will have to continue this exploration of port.